2.2.11

Back in Bolivia.

This was written on January 27. I'm a little Behind.... as always

Today is my second full day back in Bolivia. My second partial day in Sucre. Last night I slept in a bed for the first time in-well, only four days- but considering I had been to four different cities in two different countries since I had been in any sort of a reclining position, I consider lasts night’s sleep,  on stiff corn-husk mattress borrowed from 85 year old woman, a notable achievement. As a reward for my long awaited sleep, I decided to stay in bed until noon- something I haven’t done for years.
    It was not long after my plane landed in Santa Cruz that I remembered why I love Bolivia. The streets were alive and full of people. My buses were crowded with so many people- some of whom were overjoyed to help a poor gringa  lug her two big bags on and off city busses that are too small for someone to carry a backpack onboard. Santa Cruz, for those of you who are not up on Bolivian geography, is the largest city in Bolivia, with a culture completely unlike all the other cities in the country. In the lowlands( a mere 500 meters above sea-level). It is hot, tropical and lush. Although I’ve never been there, I do know that if you travel to the north and east of the city, you will find a juncture of rivers that form one of the largest and widest waterfalls in the world. Keep going out and you will eventually find tributaries to the Amazon River, weaving its way through the jungle and into Brazil.     The city itself has been greatly impacted by the influence of the United States. Walking through Santa Cruz, you think for a second that you could be walking through any of the predominately Latino cities in the United States. In fact, a few days ago, on my first bus trip though Miami, I thought to myself, “Wow, this place is a lot like Santa Cruz. Hot, Muggy, People Everywhere, Reggeton blasting from the windows of stores, restaurants and even people’s houses.  
    Since neither of my two friends in Santa Cruz were in town on the one day I was passing through, I took my two busses directly from the airport to the bus terminal. “To Sucre?” I asked several different bus lines. All of them simply replied, “through Cochabamba. “ Another Bolivian geography lesson for you: Cochabamba is at least an eight hour bus trip north and west of Santa Cruz. It is a twelve hour bus trip  south and east on the most miserable road in the world from Cochabamba to Sucre.. No thanks, I’ll pass.  I should have realized then that something must be up, that there must be some logical reason that all of the bus lines were taking people nearly ten hours out of their way to get from the largest city in Bolivia to its provincial capital.   I should have realized, but I didn’t. I finally found a bus line that when I asked, “Directo?” replied with a “si, si, si, claro preciosa” (I’ve gotten used to being called preciosa. Depending on who it is that is talking to me, sometimes I even like it.) so I bought a ticket at a shockingly higher price than I would have liked and thanked the Lord that I was finally on the last leg of my journey home.
    The last leg, as it turned out was not a short one. The last leg of my journey to Sucre was one of those “Your daughter should look into high jumping. She has such high hips and legs that go on forever” kind of legs. As soon as I boarded the bus and found out that everyone else had also paid ridiculously expensive fares for this old, non-buscama flota, I realized what exactly was up. Bolqueos. I should have known.     And now, a Bolivian politics lesson for you. Bolivia is known throughout South America for political instability. In the first 100 years of its existence as a state, some sort of hostile government turnover occurred on average, every ten months. Last year, I was shocked to learn along with my eight grade social studies class the number of Bolivian presidents that came to power by a golpe de estado. Anyway, Bolivians are also known for being fighters. Since it gained its independence from Spain, Bolivia has never won a major conflict with a foreign state. Bolivia is an underdog. Within the underdogs there are those who are fighting for whatever bones they can get. And they fight in whatever way they can. One of the most common demonstrations of political dissatisfaction is a bloqueo or blockade. Basically they build up some sort of huge mound surrounded by people so that no goods, and consequently no travelers can move from one city to another, thus providing my traveling difficulties.
    Having been away from Bolivia for almost six weeks, I didn’t even think about bloqueos. Midway on our journey, I remembered. After traveling for about four hours we came to a point in the road where we could no longer pass. Without skipping a beat, our bus driver backed up and took us on a tiny road through the jungle, a road I doubted the bus could even take. As we traveled along this dirt road for several hours through the jungle, tree branches reached in through on both sides of the bus. We drove along a road without any other traveling buses, or really any other vehicles. Once, we passed a farmer’s tractor, but that was about it. I couldn’t help but wonder where this farmer was taking his tractor since we were completely surrounded by jungle. As our bus putted along the road, with one of the driver’s helpers on the roof to move any large tree branches or random cables out of the way, I could not help but think, that if it were not for the bloqueo I would have never traveled along this road in my entire life. I would never seen the beauty of this part of the rainforest and its few inhabitants  in my life. Again I was reminded, by God, who I believe has been romancing me during my entire life in Bolivia, that everything is under control, and if you look for it, even in  political instability and hot stuffy busses, you can find beauty, you just have to look out the window.
    My arrival, eighteen hours later , into Sucre, was nothing special. I took a taxi to meet my employers and to figure out where I will be living, or at least staying. Everyone greeted me with a hug and a “how was your trip?” but continued on with their lives. I was taken to this house in a part of the city that I have only ever seen through a bus window. A nice house, a small house with a bedroom,  dining room, kitchen and a bathroom, each room with its own door to the outside. The house also has tons of fruit trees- apple trees, peach trees, apricot trees and figs, plus an unending amount of blackberry bushes- and a great view of the city. I live here alone, at least for now. And for now, I think I like it. My life in Bolivia is different. People who know me from other parts of my life might have difficulty believing how it is here. They might have a hard time understanding how a white American 24 year old girl could be happy living in somebody’s grandmother’s house alone and spending most of her time with fifteen year olds. They might not understand how such a gregarious, outgoing person like myself could be here alone, without much communication with the tight communities that I have been a part of in the states. They might talk to me from time to time and hear how hard it is, and wonder why I just don’t do something easier.  Rather than give 1,000 reasons why I should be here in Bolivia, I simply want to say to those people who, out of genuine concern and love for me, I want to clarify something about Bolivian travel. Upon arriving in the airport in Santa Cruz, I had about two hours until a nearly empty plane would fly from Santa Cruz to Sucre. The flight, by all U.S. standards was inexpensive. Instead of microwaving my trip I decided to take a hot, stuffy bus, because on the bus, I could look out the window.

19.9.10

Himno Nacional

It is 11:00 pm. My room doesn’t have a door. Someone nearby is listening to the radio. The Bolivian national anthem is playing on the radio. Many of my friends will laugh at me when they read this, because  you know that I would never admit to being someone who gets goosebumps at the sound of the Star Spangled Banner. Well, I will admit it. I am that person. And it’s not only the Star Spangled Banner.... America the Beautiful and God Bless the USA as well. They move me and make me feel,  dare I say it, “Proud” to be an American. And in the silence of the night, as I am preparing for bed, el Himno Nacional de Bolivia is giving me that same feeling, proud to be an American.... a South American. My ex boyfriend would always correct me for using the phrase “American” to describe someone from the United States, because truthfully we are all Americans. As I study more about Andean worldview and the history of this country I am falling more and more in love with the place and the people that is Bolivia. Sometimes I forget where I am. Sometimes I feel like I could run into an old friend from college in the supermarket if I wanted.  That is , of course, impossible. I am here, in Bolivia. It’s true. I’ve been in this country for over a year of my life. Sometimes it just hits me. I live here. This is my home. The while city in the heart of south America. (Go ahead, listen to our national anthem)

13.8.10

Ama Háp´a

Sé Fiel.
Be Faithful.

Today in my seventh grade social studies class I taught the basics of Inca religion. Pachakamaq, the creator god who is represented by the sun, the sons of Pachakamaq, the Incas (Note: according to the people group Incas, the word Inca was used to describe the leader, the king), the concept of Equilibrium that governed Incan life, and La CHaKana, the four values in Incan society. One of which, Ama Háp´a is the challenge I am facing recently.

Ama Háp´a: Sé Fiel.... Be Faithful.

I have spent every afternoon for the last three weeks running aroung downtown Sucre working on the tramite (paperwork) for my Bolivian Residency. On monday, I believed that I had finally, after three months of working on this Visa process, arrived at the day that I would turn in ALL of my paperwork and be well on my way to being a Bolivian resident. And then I was told that I needed to do even more on Monday, and Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and now today, Friday the 13th. Each day I left discouraged. "Come back on Monday", the lawyer told me as I tried to turn my paperwork into immigration.

The new semester is well underway and I am seeing how different my life is this semester from the last. Not only have my classes, my house,  and my schedule changed, but I realized quickly after returning to Sucre that many of my relationships were changing as well. For someone who has moved nine times in the last six years, I don´t handle change very well. It has difficult to adjust to these changing relationships. I have often found myself walking the tightrope between longing for what was and enjoying what is. How can be faithful to ambas relaciones?

I recognized months ago that I was in a time of "training," although I truthfully could not tell you for what I am in training. I am being stretched, frustrated and broken. And yet I know that I am supposed to be here. I simply need to be faithful.

Ama Háp´a. I guess you can´t just give up on faithfulness. You can´t press a fast forward button. You simply must wait.

Oh Lord, Grant me your faithfulness.

21.7.10

The Juice.... Is Worth the Squeeze. And when the Fruit is out of Season?

It seems I am only driven to write when my heart and my head are all a mess. The lastr blog I wrote entitiled choque, occured shortly before a crash of love, life and romance. What happens when the "perfect" person prances into your already perfect life and makes eveything significantly more complicated. A crash.

That was in April. This is July. The seasons have changed. The cold has come to Bolivia. Remembering back to the state of my heart at the writing of the last post, it seems, that as the searons have changed, so have I.

I took some time to escape the Bolivian winter in the Heat of Summer in the North It was lovely.
I came back home to a whirwind of change. With the gush, this little leaf might finally have found where she was meant to fall.

Returning to Sucre has represented a change of house, of job discription, social circle. It has also marked a renewing of sense of direction and passion. They once called me Fire... maybe one day, I will be deserving of that name.


 I have speant the last several months slowly getting to know many of the niños trabajadores who work on the streets of Sucre. My first day back in the plaza with many new friends, I found myself eating lunch in the  market with nine street kids. I have learned their stories and learned thier dreams- many of which are satisfied by a successful day of shining the shoes of tourists and good Bolivan Catholics in the plaza outside the cathedral. What do you really want to do when you get older? Be in charge of the shoe shiners.

The kids on the street, like the kids in my private school in Khatalla call me profe. The same age as many of my students, I listen to them read and challenge them with math problems. SOmetimes we paint. Sometimes they fight. We always laugh. Their laughs are so similar to the kids in the school.... their lives, so very different. And there I am, challenging them to be better and to work top be more than shoe shiners, that life has more to offer than 5 Bolivianos.  Edgar, Juan, Wiler, Angél, Flora y Paolita.... are smart, talend kids.... but they will never have the opprotuinities that Carmen, Lizeth, David, Obed y Carla will have. The few services that exist to help niños trtabajadores are not working to take them off the street. They are not working to teach them real skills. Why is it that the church´s answer is always another Horita Feliz? 

Committed to a school that these kids may never enter, My heart is burdened by the question, what will my answer be?  The Fruit is in the squeezer-....

 

9.4.10

A Choque... To say the Least.

It has been some time since I have written. I don´t really believe that anyone reads this. If I thought they did, I think I would be more moptivated to write. Dear reader (s), if you are out there in the world of cyber space, send me a hello, so that I know you exist, and so that I know that my words are not lost in a sea of web pages and electronic diaries.

Today´s topic- Love, loss, y extrañar.

I recently told someone that my heart has experienced a choque... a collision.
For most opf m y life, I have felt that my heart has been gashed by a collision. A collision of worlds, a collision of thoughts, of people and of who I am.

A love that I thought would last forever... Choque
A passion thathas encountered reality..... Choque
A desire to be in ten places at once... Choque


When the world becomes a choque, hay que siguir caminando... y Siguir adalante.

And so I will walk forward. I am looking for purpose and looking for answers. For now... I will walk one step at a time, taking hold of my Daddy´s hand, and float in the mystery of the questions. The mystery of his grace.

Oh Lord, Don´t let me fall.


I miss you all.

Profe Teacher.

23.2.10

Not much time, A quick thought

I am feeling at home and comfortable in my job at the school. Tomorrow I will add swimming instructor to my resume.

Thoughts as of lately: The trininty = Community

If God does it, it must be a pretty good thing. Than Why don´t we?

Thought 2  Christians escaping the world. It´s tragic to see, yet it is very much the reality of the Evangelical (or non-Catholic) Church in Bolivia. The two churches are so seperate here. And so are they seperate from the unchurched. I am not saying that it is our job to Church the unchurched, but maybe simply to be Christ where one would not look for him.
I am becoming more and more convinced that Christ would be in a bar rather than a worship service if he Getting a new roommate tonight

Heart Happy

Love from Bolivia

27.1.10

Quick Catch Up. Thank YOU.

It has been almost a year and a half since I last made a post on a blog. I am, by the standards of almost anyone, a terrible blogger. I may have the thoughts or adventures to make a better blog, but since 2008 I have never shared them with you.

You. The 27 views that "A Carmen Called Jenna" currently has. You faithful 5 readers who have occasionally checked to see if I have written. You who were time and again, disappointed. Well, to the few and the proud, this one's for YOU.

Let me catch you up on what has happened since the last posting when I had just moved to Cochabamba Bolivia. 4 months in Cochabamba. Amazing. I fell in love with the country and fell in love with a  Bolivian man.
A firm believer in the power of love to overcome any obstacle, the Bolivian man and I entered into a long distance, international, cross-cultural, bilingual romantic relationship via Skype while I finished my 2 degrees at Azusa Pacific Univesity. It was a beautiful story. One that helped push me back in the direction of South America, back to Bolivia.

In November I took a job as a Psychology/ English teacher at a small rural school outside of Sucre (14 hours from Cochabamba). In December and January, my 14 month relationship with the Bolivian ended. (I won't go into all the sappy details, right now, this is just to catch YOU up)

Today: I am back in Colorado. I just said good bye to my life in California, to the beautiful friends and people there. I said good bye to a place in the heart of no-where, a place that holds my heart. I am about to say good-bye, again, to my childhood home. Though I may have moved, I do believe that relationships do not change based on location. I've heard it said that some people come into our lives for a season for a specific reason. I do not agree with that. Relationships, friendships... are not meant to be traded in for the latest fashion trends and newest neighbor. Real friendships are meant to be life long, living and breathing... they are meant, I am convinced to be a BODY.
Now, again, my body is leaving the many other bodies who mean so much to me. I believe that I am following the will of the Head and Heart of the Body. It is a will that takes us on a journey into the great unknown.

In this time of not knowing, I invite you to join me. It will be an adventure.